Silence is Violence on the Good Men Project blog.  "Words can be really cruel, but the can't hold a candle to silence. Silent treatment adds worse insult than injury to a person. It adds invisibility." So true. When there are angry words, there is still a connection, a hope for resolution and restoration of the relationship. Silence creates distance and completely discounts the existence of the other- and the relationship. 

This past week, I also discovered PTSD Jedi, a site curated by a survivor of the 2004 tsunami. Sam shares his raw and powerful experience with trauma. 

To keep him here: Suicide and mental illness in 'modern' America in the Harvard Review.  Author brings up important questions about the stigma associated with mental illness and PTSD, but what resonated with me the most was her discussion of the "Pick yourself up and brush yourself off" mentality so prevalent when it comes to mental illness.  Excerpt: "I pretended to be fine and cried alone at night." So many of us have been there, yet we're alone.

On a lighter- or maybe heavier- note, Food 52's article on fried toast will change the way I do breakfast.

Did you encounter anything interesting or helpful on the internet this week? If so, please share.

Whom should I contact about reporting a crime against a child?
Law enforcement in the jurisdiction where the crime took place is a good start. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is a helpful resource as well.

Do all sex offenders have to register?
No! In some states, if an offender is found guilty of a crime that happened before the inception of that state's registry, he or she does not need to register upon his or her release.  In Maryland, if an offenders sentenced for sex crimes that happened before 1996 do NOT need to register, regardless of when they are released from prison. 

If a victim can't remember the crime or changes his or her story, does it mean that person is lying?
No! Memories of traumatic events are not stored the same way as memories of non-traumatic events. Trauma can even change the way non-traumatic memories are processed. There are many news and research articles, including this one, about the impact of trauma on memory. 

How is it possible to report a crime so many years after it took place? 
Many states do not have statutes of limitations for felonies.  

Is it too late to report my crime?  
It depends.  Click here to find out what the rules are for where the crime occurred.  The document is current as of August 2013.

I've heard the police don't listen to victims. Is it worth reporting what happened to me? 
Every situation is unique, but my experience with law enforcement and the district attorney was largely very positive. With new research on the way trauma is processed and dissociative amnesia included as a mental health diagnosis in the DSM 5, many members of the law enforcement community are aware of and sensitive to issues facing victims of traumatic events. 

Have you forgiven your perpetrator?
I do not carry much resentment and bitterness towards my perpetrator. I do not have enough emotional bandwidth for that many negative emotions. That said, my definition of forgiveness does not involve positive feelings about my perpetrator or any leniency when it comes to the terms of his sentence.

What if my perpetrator was a family member or an upstanding member of the community? What should I do then?
Facing sexual abuse and assault often disrupts almost all of a victim's familial and close interpersonal relationships. It is difficult to make such a decision and handle the fallout alone. Speaking to a mental health professional can make a logistically and emotionally overwhelming situation more manageable.

Wouldn't it be great if there were cut-suit-like technology for other high-stakes tasks?

Parenting: "Whoa. I didn't handle that situation very well!  Good thing you're wearing a parenting suit. Let's try that one more time to make sure I get it right before you take off that suit and I try to handle it for real." Nice, right?

Dating: "It was good to practice that pickup line on someone wearing a dating suit. I can see that didn't go over as suavely as I imagined. Let me try one more time before I go out and attempt to interact with someone for real."

Relationships: "Let's do the scenario where we get really mad at each other so we can figure out the best way to solve our problem without actually hurting each other when we get it wrong."

In most situations there aren't do-overs. Our actions have a real impact-- the first time. 

Today I helped kick off Sexual Assault Awareness Month at Rocky Vista University College of Osteopathic Medicine in Parker, Colorado. 

One of the highlights of my visit was learning about the university's cut suits people can wear to simulate the look, feel, and smell (yes, smell!) of a traumatic injury. It ends up providing a realistic training experience for students. Some of the features seem really intriguing. Interchangeable organs with variable wound patterns?  Get out of town! Customizable wounds? Whoa! Reparable skin and organs? Heck yeah! 

... Seriously, it is a great training tool, something the Army already uses. 


The main highlight, though, was seeing an organization so committed to promoting awareness of sexual assault, cultivating a culture of safety and respect, and training medical professionals to treat the whole person, not just a patient's physical illness. I was encouraged students were asking questions about ways to provide emotional and psychological comfort to patients, screening for trauma compassionately, and looking out for warning signs of trauma and abuse. 

If you've experienced emotional or psychological trauma, what skills do you wish your physician had?