It's horrible to suffer as a result of a crime, and the stigma attached to the word "victim" makes it even harder. 

That is the subject of my October 17 TEDx talk in Colorado Springs- how adding negative connotations to the word "victim" is one of the most common manifestations of victim shaming and rape culture. 

By definition, a victim is someone harmed by a crime. Simple. Neutral. 

I'm going to track how the word "victim" is used in the media and by people in the public eye on a weekly basis. 

September 29, 2015
The National Review
Victim Culture is Killing American Manhood
by David French


"In victim culture, a person cultivates their sense of weakness and fragility, actively retarding the process of growing up....

I’d underestimated the allure of victim status — the ease with which one can achieve power and sympathy all at once."


The shame-infested definition the author puts forward says it all. Being a victim entails weakness and immaturity. 

My definition of victim is literal. I was sexually abused as a child. It harmed me. I am a victim, but I am not weak or immature. 

There is no allure in being a victim. Merely drawing a connection between those two words promotes victim-blaming and skepticism of innocent men and women attempting to seek justice for horrible crimes committed against them. 

September 22, 2015 
Statesman (Austin)
For Academia, Try being an Adult, not a Victim
By Brad Stuzman

"The underlying motivation is to stifle discussion and close the forum off to anyone who’s not in a sanctified class of victimhood."

Sanctified class of victimhood.  Again, creating a definition of victimhood that has nothing to do with the true definition and then insinuating that people seek to be victims because it is a privileged status is harmful to people who have been harmed by crime.

No part of suffering as a result of a crime is a pleasant experience, or one someone would actively seek out. 



You tell me: Based on those definitions of victim would you want to be defined as one? Journalists and people in the public eye need to stop turning the word victim into a slur. 

Not much is out there on male victims of sexual assault. The site 1 in 6 does a great job providing resources, but most of what I've written about sexual assault has appeared on Huffington Post Women. 

I interviewed a male victim of sexual abuse and attempted to tackle a few of the issues that make that crime such a difficult one to talk about. Seems it's even more stigmatized than sexual abuse/assault against females. 

So, check it out: Is the Man Box Preventing you from Confronting Past Abuse? 

Also, are the winds changing in the NFL, or has it always been a more stand-up organization than the media gives it credit for? 

I talked to Chad Johnson, chaplain of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Check out what he does to help players find balance in a cut-throat profession. 

Also, I was impressed by the 49ers reaction to the recent arrest of the often-in-trouble player Aldon Smith. Read about their unusual response.

One of the reasons it is hard to be a victim of a crime (particularly stigmatized crime like child sexual abuse, rape, incest) is because the word victim is so charged.

How do you use the word victim? Do you use it as an insult? Oftentimes the word carries with it unnecessary layers of shame and negative connotations. 

Rape culture and victim shaming can be very subtle. One of the most common ways victims are shamed is by the very use of the word "victim." 

Check out my take on how common uses of the word "victim" shame and degrade those harmed by the actions of others.

I am a Victim -  Huffington Post

WROTE

I interviewed two former football players this week. One, a crowd favorite who suddenly left the game. Another, a UCLA player who didn't get to fulfill his NFL dreams and is now an actor. 

What happened to Isaac "Red-Zone" Redman? 


Donovan Carter: End of NFL Dream Leads to Stardom

I also wrote about what it is like to be a victim and how to support a victim. You can find those pieces at my Huffington Post blog. 

READ


Informative read on the use and misuse of HIPAA in the New York Times. Hipaa's Use as Code of Silence Often Misinterprets the Law.


There is a lot of news about PTSD in veterans, most of whom happen to be male. What about PTSD in women? What risks to they face? CNN reports that PTSD can increase heart attack and stroke risk in women.

WROTE

I did a piece about an artist who used to play professional football-- Baron Batch. Fascinating conversation about career paths, callings, being in the moment, and creating legacy.  Who would view shredding one's ACL as a magical moment? This man: 

Former Steelers RB Baron Batch: Shredding my ACL was a perfect, magical moment


READ


Are you angry, resentful, critical? Do you live with someone who is? Dr. Margaret Rutherford wrote a great article for Good Men Project about people who need to be right. 

Do you Fight to be Right? 5 Reason Why You Might

Touching & courageous NYT article about one woman's experience with stillbirth, a relatively common tragedy that is rarely discussed. 

After a stillbirth, a silent delivery room

WROTE

Here are a few of the pieces I wrote last week:

Why we all need to mourn Kalief Browder, The Good Men Project, 6/10/2015.
Tragic story- held at Rikers Island for three years without a trial under horrific conditions. He was recently released committed suicide last week. NYC Mayor De Blasio called it a "culture of delay," but it is so much more than that. 

Mom and sons conquer the Incline, The Good Men Project, 6/13/2015.
Excerpt: 
"I fantasize about getting in my car and driving 26 hours back to Maryland. I hate Colorado. I hate it even more when the floods hit a few months later. Then, I experience my first polar vortex, temps of 17 below that transform my town into a cryo-chamber."

Introducing the new sport of dog parking, Crooked Scoreboard, 6/12/2015.
I don't like to lose, and I don't like my dogs to lose either. I invented a sport-- dog parking-- and described how to keep score. 
Excerpt: "Running from dog butt to dog butt like it's the first time you've ever encountered another dog is not suave. Don't be desperate."

I also wrote a piece called Don't call me strong for Huffington Post.  

READ


If you hate punctuation rules, or really like articles about the English language, you'll enjoy Cormac McCarthy's take on punctuation found here:
Cormac McCarthy's Three Punctuation Rules, and How They all Go Back to James Joyce, Open Culture, 8/13/13.


This is a "watched" not "read," but it was definitely impactful. If you are somewhere you can sob freely, I suggest you watch it.  It's the story of Denali, a dog, told from his perspective.


ABOUT TO READ AND WRITE


Finishing Erik Larsen's Dead Wake is high on my list since I started it such a long time ago. Great read so far, I've just been reading more articles than books lately.

I have too many pieces planned for this week than I can reasonably write, but I hope to do something about going to concerts with my dad, and another one for TWLOHA for PTSD awareness month.  And, of course, lots of Steelers news for Behind the Steel Curtain.

WROTE 


Interacted with some really inspiring people this week. 

First, I wrote a story about Steelers fans in Mexico. Imagine soccer-level enthusiasm for American football. The most fascinating aspect for me was how much emotion and passion they have for their team, and how watching football isn't just about the plays and the final score, but intangible qualities the team represents (hard work, perseverance, heart, etc). Was a gift to interact with this group of passionate people.

Check out the story here: Steelers World: Fans in Mexico Bleed Black and Gold

Second, I had the honor of interviewing former Steelers quarterback Charlie Batch. I already knew some about his foundation, but they way he transformed tragedy into redemption and hope for his hometown was incredibly inspiring. There are two parts in this series so far, the second installment links back to the first, so check them both out on Behind the Steel Curtain.


I also did my first entry on my Huffington Post blog. Breaking Free of Silence and Shame. Second entry on institutionalized rape culture should be up sometime this week.



READ

I am a huge fan of David Morris, the author of the The Evil Hours, the best book on PTSD out there. I try to read everything he writes (even if it is about surfing). If you haven't read The Evil Hours, you owe it to yourself and society at large. By far my favorite book (not just my favorite book about PTSD, my favorite book ever)-- thorough, compassionate, human, informative. Excellent. 

This week, I read Morris' article on drone operators and PTSD. Morris does a masterful job describing aspects of PTSD that are often neglected, ignored, or misunderstood. 

Check it out on Foreign Policy: Can Drone Operators Get PTSD? 



ON MY SHELF

I have more than one shelf of books in my house, but I was noticing the odd assortment on this particular shelf while I was dusting off R2D2 (he's also on the shelf). And while I'm at it, how about I say "shelf" one more time. 

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker-- I would have thought this book was BS had someone given it to me last year, but it is both informative, interesting, and helpful. I'll probably do a review of this at a later date. 

How to Teach your Dog to Talk by Captain Haggerty-- Basic dog training book with a catchy name. Was given to me as a gift after I wondered aloud one too many times if I could teach Ajax and Comet to talk. And the answer is, no, dogs can't talk, though they can make talking-ish sounds. If my dogs could talk, I know they'd apologize for leaving the yard today. 

The Best of McSweeney's edited by Dave Eggers and Jordan Bass-- Haven't picked this one up in a while, but $8.00 for over 600 pages of comics and short stories was an excellent value. I'm a huge fan of McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Awesome humor writing.

Staff Meals from Chanterelle by David Waltuck
Chef David Waltuck prepares meals for his staff before the big dinner rush at his New York City restaurant. Recipes are reliable and accessible (not pretentious or expensive to prepare). 


Wrote

Why men might not go to therapy (Good Men Project).  Some thoughts on how therapy is often marketed (to women) and how to find a therapist. 

Football character & Steelers rookie Gerod Holliman: The Blame Game (Behind the Steel Curtain). Sometimes what scouting reports refer to as "football character" reminds me of what some teachers call "laziness." Both labels are often cop-outs and don't take into account other factors that could be at the root of substandard performance.

Ray McDonald arrested for domestic violence: Learning from tragedy (Behind the Steel Curtain). Domestic violence is not just an NFL problem, and incarceration is not the only solution.

The fun run: Kindergarten's greatest sporting event (Crooked Scoreboard) A fake (well, not entirely fake, but mostly fake) pep talk before the Kindergarten fun run. 

Read

A summer reading list from top business leaders (LA Times). I didn't read many books during the past few weeks, but I did read this article on what books CEOs recommend. One of them, Dead Wake by Erik Larson, I am in the middle of.

Mourning the loss of a dog can be a lonely endeavor (Boston Globe). Losing your best friend, as in your own personal man's best friend-- your dog, can be devastating. This article described the struggle of mourning the loss of a pet.

The secret sadness of pregnancy with depression (New York Times). Longform article about dealing with depression while pregnant.

Obesity is coming for your pets, a Washington Post article from 2014 discusses the impact of the obesity epidemic on our furry friends. Excerpt: "In the case of pets, we are killing them with 'kindness.'

Take off that Fitbit. Exercise alone won't make you lose weight, another Washington Post article that states the obvious: If weight loss is your goal, you need to take a look at your diet. Exercise has many benefits other than weight loss, and I personally love my Fitbit. Still an important reminder that working out will not help you downsize if you don't pay attention to what you eat. Excerpt: "A growing body of scientific evidence shows that exercise alone has almost no effect on weight loss."

Don't let cyberbullying ruin fitness. Sue Scheff writes in the Huffington Post that cyberbullying and fat-shaming can discourage people from working out. Excerpt: "Bullying individuals about their weight has become such a critical issue that British researcher Dr. Sarah Jackson believes mocking overweight individuals should be illegal." 

Preschoolers aren't getting enough exercise, study says. A Time article about children and physical activity. Exercise used to be called simply "play time." These days, though, kids are more sedentary, a trend that will have long-term, negative consequences for individuals and the public. Excerpt: "Getting plenty of exercise at a young age is essential for a child's development and for preventing obesity."

The Dinner Party facilitates pot luck dinners for people in their 20's and 30's who have suffered significant loss. Not a therapy group, the dinner party provides a source of community and support for people who are grieving and provides a safe place to express grief honestly. I love this idea, and think groups like this would be helpful for issues beyond loss (PTSD, pregnancy loss, terminal illness). Isolation is the enemy. 

Mom: The Designated Worrier A thoughtful NYT article about division of worry in a parenting relationship. (Most articles focus on division of labor, so this was an interesting take.) 

Excerpt: "One reason women like me get stuck with the micromanagement is that we don't see it coming, not at first." 

Split Image ESPN did a piece on suicide and the discrepancy between what people put on social media and their actual state of being. Suicide is a highly stigmatized topic, so ESPN did important work by delving into the issue.

Excerpt: "Young women growing up on Instagram are spending a significant chunk of each day absorbing others' filtered images while they walk through their own realities, unfiltered."


Orangette I don't follow many blogs, but this one has excellent writing and even more excellenter (is that a word?) recipes.